Thinkin' bout drink in': Musings on DrunkDar, Party People and double lives

Today I will delight you, my reading audience, with some of my musings on Thinkin' bout Drinkin'.  I'm wondering how many of you have what I like to call DrunkDar?  DrunkDar is what I imagine Gaydar to be like, it is the ability of a heavy drinker to find another heavy drinker in a crowd.  I myself am endowed with this superpower and I wonder if any of you are as well.  Sometimes I may be a bit off, and find a recovering alcoholic, but usually I'm spot on.  I am wondering if this ability is  another way us drinkers continue our habits under the guise of normalcy?

This leads me to my second musing... how many heavy drinkers surround themselves with "party people", thus enabling them to reassure themselves that they and their drinking habits are both normal?  This is a thought that I am coming to terms with...the fact that many of my friends drink very similarly to me and that no one really calls me out on my drinking habits.  When  telling a friend recently that I drove drunk to get cigarettes, she supportingly responded "Well, I'm sure you didn't drive that far."  When telling another friend that I downed a bottle and a half of wine in isolation, she commiserated with me by sharing her tales of the night prior in which she befriended one of the musicians at the restaurant and her husband got mad at her for drinking too much.  When sharing the same story with another friend, she jokingly responded, "Well that's not too bad...that's only like 6 drinks, right?"  This has me wondering are my friends and I some sort of alcoholic coven?

Now onto musing number three, which  leads me to affirm that yes, I probably do have a drinking issue.  The people I don't share information with.  I don't talk to my parents about my drinking escapades...they would be mortified at the drunken driving, cigarettes, and one night stand with country boy.  I wouldn't dream of gabbing it up with  church-going teachers at my school about my weekend escapades.   Not sharing this part of my life has sometimes caused me to feel duplicitous, like I am living a double life.  Established Educator by day, Raging Party Girl by night. I think it's the knowing that my behavior and actions are "wrong" and the shame that goes along with that has caused me to be secretive with some. I want to have a more integrated and honest life in which I share all parts of myself with all people, and if they don't like me, well to hell with them because I know I am doing right by me.

Finally, I want to give a shout out for another great sober read that I just finished...My Last Rock Bottom by Sara Berelsman.  I loved her honesty and authenticity in describing her drinking life.  I highly recommend it!