Glimpses of the future

Still struggling with the to drink or not to drink question.  Today my ex-husband came by to see our daughter and brought me a bottle of wine for a gift...my favorite :(  I told him I was "on the wagon" and he seemed to think it was comical that I might not drink - he said "You're like 'XYZ friend', you may not drink every day, but when you do, you drink a lot.  You are a binge drinker."  This made me doubt my decision to not drink.  Can I do it?  Can I not drink?  Do I really need to stop?  Granted I make bad decisions when I drink, but I have been lucky not too have anything super bad happen to me while under the influence.

The other night, a good friend of mine who is in her mid-fifties and a recovering alcoholic called me at 3:00 in the morning when she relapsed.  This made me think of all the late night phone calls I have made to friends and family - I don't want to be that person.  Then another friend who is not quite 50 shared has shared some of her recent drinking stories with me.  One day she threw up on her way into work from drinking too much the night before.  On another occasion she drank too much one Saturday(think day drinking, dinner drinking, night drinking) and was hung over all day Sunday.  Both of these events with my friends made me think, "God I don't want that to be me", but in reality, that is me, that is me, ten, maybe fifteen years down the line, if I don't make changes now.

I have visions of myself being a healthy, fit, yoga practicing non-drinker.  I would like to say that I am zen-like, not cursing and always patient, but let's be realistic.  I am trying to paint a new picture of myself and what I want me life to be.

I will leave you today with an image I found on Pinterest that pretty well sums up my drinking life.