Just dropped my daughter off with her dad and his wife on Christmas Day - 5 1/2 years later it still surprises me what a knife to the gut it feels like on occasions like this and how it takes my breath away with tears not to have her on the holidays. Somehow it doesn't seem fair...it's not fair that he is with the person he was talking to all those years ago and I am on my own. This could be the perfect excuse to start drinking, all alone on Christmas, but I'm not and not really tempted to either. It could be that I am hopped up on cold medicine, or maybe my resolve is strengthening (doubt that!), but either way, I'll take it.
I made it through last night quite easily without any alcohol. My mom came over and brought champagne, and I was gifted ANOTHER bottle of wine yesterday (not sure what this says about me?), yet I didn't have a drop. So, today marks day 5 of no alcohol. I'm already trying to figure out what I will do about my 40th birthday in a little over a week. I will be celebrating with my dadd and stepmom's family, where the martinis are ever abundant and the wine flows like water - must figure out how to navigate this event. Already thinking, well, maybe it's okay if I drink - I won't be driving, I won't have to worry about being solely responsible for daughter...we shall see how this plays out.
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