Introverted Beginnings

Now that I have started writing this blog and really exploring my relationship to alcohol, there are so many different areas related to this that I want to investigate.  Like many other sober bloggers and writers have said, I was probably in trouble from the very beginning.  I am naturally introverted, and alcohol made it so much easier to be comfortable in social situations.  Actually, let's go beyond comfortable, and say it made me fun!  Not just fun, but super fun!

From the beginning I probably had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol...I didn't just drink it because it was there and a part of the social environment, I drank because it helped me to function more effectively (at least what I deemed more effectively) in that social environment.  This has made me wonder, why did I put such pressure on myself to be a certain way?  Why wasn't it just okay to be quiet?  Or just okay to not really want to be around a big group of people?  I guess it's neither here nor there now.

I wonder if any of you have had a similar relationship in the beginning stages of your drinking?  Please comment below!

On another note, today I am feeling a little bit irritable.  Not necessarily wanting to drink, but annoyed feeling like I can't.  Also annoyed that I am feeling Christmas weight gain - if I'm not drinking, I should automatically be skinny, right?  That's not too much to ask, is it???

Honestly, I guess I'm kind of lonely.  My daughter is at her dad's and I have loads of stuff I NEED to do, but nothing that I WANT to do.  I am missing being in a relationship right now and would love to have a nice gentleman friend to spend time with, but I know I probably need to get myself in a good space first and all of the rest will follow.  I am somewhat missing that warm, hazy, cozy space I could be in right now with a little bit of alcohol.  If only a little bit didn't turn into a lot and send me on an drunken drive for cigarettes. *SIGH* Oh well, like my pinspiration from yesterday's post, this is only a fleeting feeling - this too shall pass.