A recent drinking history

Still completely undecided about whether or not my not drinking will last forever, but I guess that's not the kind of thing one really decides.  In an attempt to provide clarity as to the extent of my drinking issue, I am going to put it all out here to be examined by you, the reading audience...speaking of which, hello, is there anybody out there?  So here are my most recent drinking embarrassments/mistakes.

1 - last Saturday, 12/20/14 - drank about a bottle and a half of wine by myself, after which I thought it would be a good idea to drive down the street to buy cigarettes...regrets 1- drinking and driving 2 - cigarettes - ugh! and 3- texting my brother trying to get him to talk to me

2 - 12/5/14 - had a blind date from a dating web site - drank a glass of wine before said date, had two beers at dinner with date, then met up with friends afterwards and had God only knows how many drinks - smoked cigarettes on the street downtown (keeping it classy) and then drove home -UGH!!! then while driving home I missed my turn - made it home safely, albeit throughout a somewhat circuitous route

3 - 11/21/14 - A bit of a bender - went to happy hour and had three beers with a friend from work - came home had a friend come over and had a drink - met up with more friends for dinner to celebrate 40th birthdays and drank even more at dinner, then went to another bar and had MORE to drink - then came home and drank even more - and got into car to attempt to buy cigarettes, but gas station a quarter mile away was closed - I have no off switch!

4 - 11/8/14 - met up with a forever friend who was in town for dinner - wasn't even planning on drinking, because I had intended to go home and do school work, well, decided to have one beer at dinner which led to another, which led to restaurant bar, which led to cute little 28 year old country boy, which led to Rock N'Bowl (WTF? I don't even bowl) - which led to shots at bowling alley - another meal at Waffle House - Cute country boy at my house... Prime example of me not having control over alcohol - wasn't even going to drink and had one of the craziest (and sorry one of the most fun) times I have had in a LONG time - drove from restaurant to bowling alley - no bueno

5 - 11/4/14 - Ray La Montagne concert - went to dinner with old friend, brother, sis- in law and some of their friends, had drinks at dinner, then went to concert which had a delayed start, so drank considerably more while waiting, then brief drinking respite during concert as alcohol is not allowed in venue - more drinks after concert at bar, then at my friends house, then drove home -UGH!!! then I called in sick to work the next day - again, No Bueno

6 - 10/11/14 - Went to downtown festival with music, alcohol and food.  Had friends over to my house beforehand for drinks - had God only knows how many drinks out - later in the evening at a concert I kept harassing the man standing beside me, calling him a hipster (Don't ask me why - this seems to be my new favorite term in referring to young people that seem somewhat cool these days, except this guy wasn't really young, in fact he looks surprisingly similar to a dad I see when I pick my daughter up from after school)  Then I went out with friends to a local pub for more drinks and food (because we were all too busy drinking to eat anything downtown).  Saw a bunch of church people at the pub who I am sure had not imbibed even a quarter of what I had, but pretended not to see them  Only saving grace is that I didn't drive, however the Driver had probably just as much to drink as me

These are just the most recent events - Really upset with myself for allowing myself to drink and drive - Good Lord, can I get arrested after the fact for that?

The truth of the matter is, that this list could just go on and on further and further back in time.  I think I just don't have an off switch.  Yes, there are times when I might just have a drink or two, and I don't drink every night.  I can remember two other times in the past couple of years when I called in sick to work from drinking, once after a cousin's wedding on a Sunday, another time when I was by myself and walked to store to get cigarettes (why do I feel the need to drink when I smoke???!!)

I guess writing it all out here makes me see that yes, it really is a problem.  I am sure that there are some people out there that drink more and are worse off, but I think that I am past the age when it is okay to do this type of thing and the fact of the matter is that once I get going, I don't really have control of it.

I need to stop, right now drinking is not a good thing for me - I am not proud of the fact that I have gotten into a bad habit with drinking and driving - horrible!  I think about my daughter and this is not the example that I want to set for her.  Maybe I could just set strict limits for myself and stick to them, but it almost seems easier just to say nothing at all.

Thoughts???