100 days!

I have made it 100 days!  I can't believe I've made it this far.  So many things I've been pondering lately that I will record here...

First, when will my cravings for wine or a nice cocktail stop?  It's not necessarily the feeling that I miss, but the whole lifestyle that I associate with it and the fun times (sometimes, usually in the beginning of my drinking) that I used to have.  I still sometimes fantasize about drinking.  But, I think that my history has proven that for me, drinking is best to remain a fantasy. (Read My bottoms..., A recent drinking history, As simple as that (this one is a real gem, as I wrote it D-R-U-N-K - I'm a stellar sober blogger ;), and ramblings.)  Sometimes, often times, I will get in my head and think, you're fine, you weren't that bad, you never got arrested, never had a DUI, etc...but are those really the points to which I want to sink??  Sometimes, I think, maybe I should try drinking again, so that I can know FOR SURE whether or not I have a problem.  But then, in rare moments of clarity, such as the other night, when I reread my early blog posts, I will say "Damn girl, you're crazy!!! You don't need to drink!"  Is this because I haven't truly accepted step 1 in AA (admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable)?

Next up...
Shopping the Final Frontier!  
So, in my 100 days of recovery, I have realized just how compulsive a lot of my behaviors are.  Initially after stopping drinking, I begin eating like a mad women, treating myself to whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it (quite similarly to my drinking, I would eat without abandon).  Now that I have joined Weight Watchers, I am on a much healthier path with my food, but I see that now my issue is shopping.  I am spending money (that I don't really have), on things I don't really need.  Again, it's almost like a compulsion.  I'll say to myself, "just go ahead and buy it, then you can really buckle down and look at your finances", or "you need that new shirt, it will make you feel so pretty!".  It's like there's a huge gaping wound that I used to fill with alcohol, then I filled with food, and now it's shopping.  How do I stop these compulsive behaviors?  How do I fill this hole, so that I don't have the need to drink, eat, shop, etc?  How can I just be happy with myself (whoever that may be)?

I want to be one of those bloggers who posts positive things that encourage myself and others, but I find myself using this blog as a processing tool.  What I do know after 100 days of sobriety is:
* my skin looks freaking awesome!  (no breakouts, redness and puffiness gone!)
* I don't have the massive cycles of guilt, worry and shame that I had when drinking
* I don't have to worry about the physical effects of a hangover either
* I'm a much more present mother than I was when drinking

And on that note, I'm going to stop... that right there, being a good mom, is my reason to not drink!  So in an attempt to be the positive blogger that I aspire to, I will leave you with a bit of Pinspiration...