As simple as that...

This post may not be what you thought it would be...

As I type this, I am drunk... my fingers stumbling over the keys...intoxicated...frequently backspacing and deleting errors I don't intend...

One week ago, I had a date with the man I mentioned previously in my posts... dark skinned, intellectual, handsome - I had two beers.  Tonight, I have had one bottle of wine, 5 beers, and another 2 glasses of wine.

I am fucking tired of it all. I am tired of being the sole breadwinner. I am tired of working full time. I am tired of trying to better myself.

so...

as simple as that,


I check in on my daughter to make sure that she is asleeep soundly in her bed (she is)

I light a cigarette off my smooth top stove (because the one lighter I can find isn't working, nearly burning my fingers in the process)

I call my dog onto the screened in porch (so that I can write with her out here)

I find my functioning lighter in the pack of cigarettes I have been smoking

I type these words

I check out

I check in

with whoever reads these posts...

I am tired...

of being the sole breadwinner

of getting my doctorate

of being responsible


I am...


me

trying my best

to do what's right

and live a life

that is better for me and my daughter

as simple as that, I am drunk, checked out and the most content I have content in this moment than I have been in all my previous moments of sobriety...

simple as that