I'm back and oops I did it again

Well, I may have fallen off the wagon.  Okay, I did fall off the wagon. I decided, I don't have a drinking problem, and I even went as far as to remove my blog.  In an effort to be honest and forthright, with myself if no one else, I have reposted blog.... Here is a recounting of my fall.

You may or may not remember from previous posts my hemming and hawing about whether or not I should drink prior to my trip to visit my dad, where I would celebrate New Years Eve AND my 40th birthday!  Well, I made it through New Year's Eve just fine, but I caved the next day.  My dad was fixing bloody marys for everyone and I said "Fuck it - I'm having one".  I didn't want to feel deprived and draw attention to my not drinking.  So, I had a bloody mary and I was very conscientious of it, afraid to give into the release.  I think I had two glasses of wine that night - nothing out of control.  The next day was similar - probably two or three glasses of wine starting with dinner and throughout the evening...nothing eventful to speak of.  The next day was my 40th birthday and I did consume a bit more - We started with champagne - and then it was just kind of like all bets are off for me - I had a few glasses of champagne (not sure how many, but they were small glasses - like maybe 4 oz.) and then wine with dinner.  That night I just drank however much I wanted with out worrying about it, and it was fine enough I guess - I didn't make an ass of myself (at least to my knowledge), I stopped drinking before bed and had some water, definitely didn't smoke cigarettes as that might cause my dad and stepmom to hyperventilate and freak the F out.  I ended my return venture into drinking this past Friday night with my friends.  Honestly I really didn't even feel like going out after being tired from going back to work all week (teachers have a tough life - I mean two weeks off at Christmas and then going back to work!)  Anywho, I went out for drinks and dinner with my friends at one place, then we went to two other bars, I had 8 drinks over the course of 7 hours, and never really felt drunk - a drink an hour isn't bad right?  But 8 drinks in a night seems like a lot!  I had two cigarettes that night, braving the frigid temps to get my fix.

The next day (yesterday) I was pretty much a sloth.  I didn't feel bad, but I took 2 Looooooong naps and according to my Fitbit I took just under 5,000 steps under half of where I should be and usually am.  I ate like a pig and was fairly disgusted with myself.  I decided ONCE AGAIN, that it just isn't worth it for me.  I am tired of feeling gross and disgusted with myself.

So, today, I went to hot yoga and decided that rather then focusing on what I don't want (me being a drunken fool), I am going to put my energy and attention on building and becoming the person I want to be.  This person is healthy, fit, productive, kind, loving, and SOBER!

I leave you all today with a little piece of pinspiration...