EPIPHANY!

I just finished writing one post and am going straight into another.  In my last post I mentioned an article from mind body green that lists three questions to ask yourself about your drinking.  The last question was, "What kind of people do you attract when you drink?"  I want to further elaborate on my answer to this question, as I think this incident and it's aftermath may have been my true bottom.

So, in a previous post, I mentioned my liaison (that makes it sound classy, right?) with 28 year old country boy...okay, let's be honest here, country boy is being nice - he was a redneck.  Weeellll, the parts I failed to mention are that he is a convicted felon, arrested for arms trafficking, oh yea and he had (or has - hell if I know) a girlfriend.  Ok, as we like to say in academia, let's bracket out the important terms CONVICTED FELON  and ARMS TRAFFICKING.  What the Fuck?!?!  Then there is the redneck girlfriend to contend with  - nothing like having a 22 year old girl call/text your 40 year old ass to find out with the deal is with you and her boyfriend.  As I sit here and type this out now, I know that absolutely no part of that is okay.  Not the drunken phone calls from country boy, not his request for me to talk dirty to him on the phone, not his plea for me to pick him up from a rodeo (did I actually just type rodeo???) in another town.

It was kind of a funny story to tell to my friends for a while...the escapades of a single mom, but now as I sit here typing it out and seeing it in black and white, with a mind free of alcohol for 7 days now, I can't believe it. That is not me, that was not me, but it was.  That was me drinking, and that was who I attracted into my life.

I'm not going to shame myself about it, but I am going to face it.

I have a problem with alcohol.