This post isn't directly related to alcohol, but I think in some ways it indirectly is, as I feel that I have turned to food as my new coping mechanism (not that I didn't use it before, but now I have kicked it into high gear).
I got on the scale this evening and I am SHOCKED by how much weight I have gained! I mean damn, if I'm not going to be drinking, the least I could do is lose some freaking weight! I way almost as much as I did when I was pregnant, AND to add insult to injury, I have gained probably15 pounds in the last 5 - 6 months, in addition to the 30 some odd pounds I have gained over the past couple of years....can you say OUT OF CONTROL???!
I just joined Weight Watchers and signed up for this new online coaching thing that they have. I have lost a significant amount of weight with them in the past, and hope I can do so again.
It's just such a pisser, to put it bluntly. I'm lonely, I'm stressed, and food has been my comfort and stress reliever. I know it's not healthy, but it's the truth. I guess the blessing in this is that I am finally facing up to the truth and that's the only way I can move forward.
How can I be happy with myself in the moment and not beat myself up, when I am so disgusted with what the scale says?
How did I let myself get to this point? Am I blind? Am I walking around disgusting people with the presence of my fat ass? I don't think of myself as a fatty, but in reality that's what I am right now.
I guess it's a lot like my issues with alcohol...I was in denial about that for a while, and I have been in denial about my food issues for a while. Time to get real and deal with another issue. ugh.
Hi WCM! Don't despair! I think we have to be a bit gentle with ourselves at the moment. You're doing an amazing thing, and if you can knock the booze on the head you can tackle the weight too in good time. Over eating is hugely common in ex drinkers. Eating (esp sugar) triggers the same dopamine reaction that alcohol did, so I bet you eat at the times you would have drunk. It might help if you look out for that and find a new coping strategy like exercise, meditation, hot baths, gardening, reading.....anything that keeps you 'in the moment' rather than stressing about the past or future. You're doing great! Love SM x
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement SoberMummy! I'm working on being gentle with myself :)
DeleteDear WCM,
ReplyDeletePlease be kind to yourself! You are doing great not drinking.
You are under a lot of stress.
Give yourself extra hugs and love.
WW has a great program.
You will soon be losing weight.
xo
Wendy
Thanks Wendy! Fingers crossed that WW will do the trick :)
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